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| Message Board > Manly Pandas (Probably NSFW) > Why Jesus was born in 12 days |
| December 3, 2009, 11:20 | |
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Dennis
どこかにいる 2092 posts 
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There is no record of the weight of Jesus at birth, so it could have been an "Emperor's Cut"... hmm wait *looks up the real translation* .. *cough* "Caesarean section". In those days it could have lasted 12 days. They pumped you full o' drugs and hence, a stoned Jesus is born out of the uncummed lady. People thought God fucked her that kid because she was still virgin, since she only did facials. Well, that Jesus guy, he lets him grow himself long hair and says "peace man" all over the place, puts his hand over people and says "ur H to the 34 led now lol"  Then he was to be hanged for such weird (and probably insulting because everyone was like "wtf" when he talked) so he was to be hanged!! And then they made tall buildings with a gallows on top of them to insult him even more. On second hand they decided to crucify him, so they changed the gallows on all the churches to crosses, and the people wearing a noose as necklaces, they changed them to crosses as well! And the big statue showing Jesus being hanged was changed to a cross with him crucified.Later it came to our notice he died of hemorrhoids, but people where to lazy converting the statues to ruptured assholes anyway. ____________ Kwakkel |
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| December 21, 2009, 11:44 | |
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Dennis
どこかにいる 2092 posts
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update: Jesus was the son of God which is the sun. So he was 78% Helium? ____________ Kwakkel |
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| December 21, 2009, 14:46 | |
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Mezzmer
Square-theorist 792 posts 
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That was the best nativity i have ever heard. But if PB hears about such christmas blasphemy we are all in for a lecture. [Edited on December 21, 2009 by Mezzmer] ____________ |
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| December 21, 2009, 19:33 | |
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Htbaa
Perl 368 posts 
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Someone PM PB then!
____________ blog.htbaa.com |
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| December 22, 2009, 10:57 | |
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Dennis
どこかにいる 2092 posts
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What REALLY happened:
____________ Kwakkel |
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Message Board > Manly Pandas (Probably NSFW) > Why Jesus was born in 12 days